The Blog #12 - Long Dick Chappy & The Lil' Babushka

The Blog #12 - Long Dick Chappy & The Lil' Babushka

The Story of Long Dick Chappy (the loquacious pimp) & The Lil' Babushka. 

Olivia Le'Avenem Limp
Olivia Le'Avenem Limp
It was a Tuesday night in the South Bronx, Long Dick Chappy was scoping his second string hoes from the Big Dick Caddy make money giving 2 for 1 HJ's, his bottom bitch wearing a pink ultra mini with Asian discount Red Bottoms, "Olivia Le'Avenem Limp", was up $680 for the night, she was 4'10 and a former Professional Russian Bear Jockey which gave her a short stroke with a firm grip, making her fast and efficient with the hand jobs.

Long Dick had her smuggled in from South America during a barter with the Mexicans involving Mandingo Sex Supplements and a illegally bred rare breed Siamese cat. Long Dick had Olivia Limp as his main bitch not only for her proficient hand skills, but her Russian Bear Riding experience.  Olivia Le'Avenem Limp was tough and capable of smacking the other scally wags if needed, she fled from the mother land Russia for setting up wild bear rodeo matches without a permit.  In order to avoid the woman's gulag, she had to seek asylum in a Mexican Social Club where she made connections in the brothels that subsequently led her to meeting "Long Dick Chappy" who melted her down in a few words and a couple letters, "I Got That LD For Yo Lil' Babushka"!

Olivia Le'Avenem Limp needed a change of underwear, and scenery, and she was broke.  Long Dick made her a official second string bottom bitch and threw her on the strip, Olivia was now making money hand over fist, literally.

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The Week Before Long Dick Chappy met Olivia Le'Avenem Limp

BD Caddy
Big Dick Caddy
LD Chappy just rotated his bench and had some white bitches flown in from Minnesota, these bitches had no charisma, no drive to make money, they were rookie tricks, Chappy had no patience for green hoes but had to keep his Main Thots fresh with tight snatches.  LD was losing money on the streets, these second string Minnesota white bitches weren't getting it in nor did they have good business sense, one of them let a trick pay with a illegally bred Siamese cat, another had agreed to a around the world session for 3 crates of expired Nigerian Mandingo Sex supplements, and the rest of them didn't even know they were supposed to be charging.  Chappy was still recovering from a botched carpel tunnel surgery, he couldn't slap any of these bitches and this had his blood pressure rising like a teenage boner at a strip club.  Long Dick Chappy couldn't afford this shit and he needed to find a certified bottom bitch to put these bitches in training. 

Now Long Dick Chappy had this Siamese cat that one of his green hoes received for a payment, Chappy had no need for a illegal rare breed cat, his only interest was 2 legged pussy.  Chappy needed cash, he had to get this pussy off, he only knew one crew that fucked with illegally bred Siamese cats, the boys over at the Mexican social club "Local - Uno 2".  Chappy threw the pussy in a bag and jumped into his BD Caddy then set out for the long drive to "Local - Uno 2" located just over the Mexican Border.  Long Dick Chappy's name was affluential in the Mexican community, he had established the country's first Multi-National Brothel franchise in Tijuana called "La Chappy Dicks", they spread across the country faster than syphilis in a frat house.

"La Chappy Dicks" imported unwanted refugee orphans from 3rd world countries and gave them work, health benefits and housing with no obligations, "La Chappy Dicks" gave back to the local communities by donating 60% off house profits to local schools and food kitchens, they turned into the biggest brothel franchise in South America in less than 3 years.

Local Uno 2

Local - Uno 2

So after two long nights of driving he arrived to the Mexican Social Club "Local - Uno 2", Chappy pulled his Big Dick Caddy into the parking lot, hoped out, grabbed his sack of pussy, seen what looked like "Pe-Pe Que Pasa" getting ready to open the club up.  Pe-Pe was taking the stools off the bar and seemed to be talking to himself about last nights soccer game between the Taco-Plasmosa's vs. La-Pintos, but Long Dick didn't see anyone else in the bar, LD hadn't seen Pe-Pe Que Pasa in while and it was not out of the ordinary for him to have a couple Tequila's in the morning before opening the club, so he could have been having a conversation with himself.

LD walked over to Que Pasa to greet him and as he got closer he noticed a little arm with a tattoo of a 8 point star reach up and put a bottle of Tequila on the bar, LD looked over the bar and seen a little blonde woman with a face of a street fighter and the body of a Walmart greeter.  So LD broke her down with his loquacious pimp game and introduced himself  with "I Got That LD For Yo Lil' Babushka" She looked up at Chappy and in a heavy North West Russian dialect replied "I bite off you're LD and make the blumbkin stew with potatoes you disgusting pimp" then she spit on her hands and put her fist's up.

LD needed a woman like this, he was losing money and was in desperate need of a hoe that could train his bench of under performing Minnesota thots, Two for one Tuesday was coming up and Long Dick Chappy knew that unmanaged independent street tricks would take over his spot under the elevated subway tracks in the South Bronx if he wasn't running a full court, it could wind up costing him a thousands,  Long Dick Chappy being the hard-bitten Pimp he was, was not willing to lose a god damn dime because of some incompetent green Minnesota white bitches.

 The Pussy for Pussy Deal

Exotic Illegally Bred Rare Breed Mint Condition Siamese Cat
Long Dick still had to get this illegally bred Siamese pussy off, Chappy asked Pe-Pe if he would trade "Olivia Le'Avenem Limp" for a incredibly exotic illegally bred rare breed mint condition Siamese cat and a few bottles of Nigerian Mandingo Sex Supplements. Pe-Pe Que Pasa had been thinking about getting a mascot for the social club and members of the Mexican social club loved cats, he also knew some of the social clubs members had limp dick syndrome and the supplements could help that, but Pe-Pe couldn't just accept offers with out a club vote from the Mexican Social Clubs Chairmen. While Que Pasa was ruminating the offer Olivia Le'Avenem Limp was squeezing lemons wondering if she was going to have to rip LD Chappy's nuts off his scrotum and make a blumpkin stew, Long Dick looked over and seen how she was handling those lemons, he noticed that she had a tight grip and a short stroke and without hesitation offered Pe-Pe Que Pasa a lifetime free pass for any of the countries La Chappy Dicks brothels.  Pe-Pe Que Pasa decided to make a on the spot executive decision and accept Long Dicks deal. Long Dick smiled because realized he just found a live one, Chappy was excited and he knew he just landed himself a money making machine, they all celebrated the deal with a round of tequila lemon shots. 

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The Latin Body Smugglers (L.B.S)

Long Dick knew Pe-Pe Que Pasa used to run with the Latin Body Smugglers in the 70's and he asked Pe-Pe how he could get Le'Avenem across the Border without a permit.  Que Pasa immediately disliked this idea due to the fact that President Trump had tightened up the borders recently.  Long Dick Chappy had to devise a plan.  LD knew that he could knock off the rest of his Nigerian Mandingo pills to the local authorities and he did run the countries most successful multi-national brothels, so he had Pe-Pe hire the Latin Body Smugglers to pass out flyers to the local border patrol officers, and on the back of the flyer was a sample pack of the Nigerian Mandingo sex supplements and a coupon for 1/2 off at any of the cities "La Chappy Dicks" brothels.

The plan was beginning to go smoothly the border patrol were using the coupons and taking the Mandingo pills which made the border free & clear. The problem was Pe-Pe Que Pasa asked the Latin Body Smugglers for help in a shipping operation but they turned around and made a back door deal with the border patrol agents. The Latin Body Smugglers were a bad group of underground mule runners, they been involved with smuggling activities since the early 70's and had a long list of political connections, they routinely exported illegally cultivated produce, animal sex slaves, and many other illegal products. As of recently the L.B.S. have been working with the Mexican government to secure safety of their cargo. The Trump/Border problem was not a issue for the Latin Body Smugglers, they built relationships with Texas politicians that threw lavish but unscrupulous Mormon Sex parties, supplying them with inexhaustible amounts of confiscated guacamole from South Central Mexico and shipping animal sex slaves in from Lima, Peru.

Green Light Operation Sneaky Tits

Box Truck
Corn Torts Box Truck
Long Dick's plan was to have Olivia Le'Avenem Limp set up in a shipping crate and have Pe-Pe Que Pasa drive a small box truck loaded with freshly made corn meal tortillas across the border plain & simple. Timing was critical, Long Dick suspected that the L.B.S. would give him problems due to a past feud with the Latin Lovers who were just a bunch of bulky dick thugs from the Bronx, N.Y., so Long Dick Chappy gave Pe-Pe the green light for operation sneaky tits, LD was parked across the street from the border gates, he was watching from his BD Caddy, checking the mirrors and searching for unusual activity.  He knew something wasn't right, he kept seeing a albino looking guy pedaling a black ice cream tricycle around the block, he thought to himself who the fuck rides a black popsicle tricycle? Long Dick seen Pe-Pe in his rear view mirror, coming down the road in the box truck about 400 yards out, Chappy had to create a diversion, he had to act fast he knew the Albino pedaling the black ice cream tricycle wasn't hustling fudgesicles to sweaty little Mexican kids playing "hop the border", it was a L.B.S. hit man waiting to catch Pe-Pe make a unwarranted shipment, He radioed Pe-Pe  "Stop the truck there is a Mexican Albino on a black popsicle tricycle looking to catch the shipment...copy.." but the message came in mostly static, To Pe-Pe it sounded like Long Dick said "mayday..mayday.. There is a Mexican Albino sucking a black mans popsicle on a tricycle trying to catch the semen...over..."  Pe-Pe responded with "copy that...No Problemo, I have my Mandigo Supplements with me...over.." Long Dick Chappy had no time to argue he hopped out of the Big Dick Caddy and knew he had to handle the situation, LD snuck around the back of his car and when the Albino came riding around the corner Chappy was going to cock slap him, a move that Long Dick Chappy had not had to do in many years for fear of damaging his dick.  The reason he was called Long Dick was because he had a 18 inch black jack with a head like a mallet in his pants, back in the day he would cock slap rival pimps to secure working zones for his hoes, which is neither here nor there though, right now Long Dick had to cock slap a Albino popsicle slinger working for the L.B.S. trying to take a box truck loaded with money in the form of his main bitch Olivia Le'Avenem Limp.

Albino Mexican
Albino Mexican
Long Dick Chappy sees the Albino pedaling around the corner the same time as Pe-Pe in the truck, from the looks of it Pe-Pe may of been on the phone or rubbing one off, either way he did not appear to be paying attention to the road and did't see the situation unfolding.  Long Dick ran out from behind his Big Dick Caddy, dick in hand, swinging it like a ball and chain, screaming -

"Bitch, You gonna make me scuff ma pretty dick"  - BaDonkkk!!

Long Dick cock slaps the Albino Mexican in the face, the tricycle flips, and a bunch of fudgsicle's spill out all over the ground. Pe-Pe Que Pasa didn't even notice the spread of melted fudgsicle's and pulled right up to the border gate. Long Dick Chappy quickly popped the trunk of his car and threw the Albino in.  LD picked the popsicle tricycle up and began picking the fudgsicle's up and hopped on the tricycle then started pedaling down the road looking back to see if Pe-Pe made it through the border gates and wondering if he just knocked out a ice cream man and scuffed his dick up for nothing.  Pe-Pe crossed the border with no problem and radioed Chappy to tell him objective complete, LD ditched the tricycle, grabbed a few fudgsicles, and headed back to his BD Caddy to figure out what to do with the Mexican Albino in the trunk.

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The OpenVisionZ Blog #11 Mr. Peter Panda the Bear Cat Gave Me Toxoplasmosis

The OpenVisionZ Blog #11 Mr. Peter Panda the Bear Cat Gave Me Toxoplasmosis

Mr. Peter Panda Bear the Cat

This is just going to be a freestyle blog about the heroism resulting in the assisted rescue of Mr. Peter Panda Bear the Cat subsequently giving me Toxoplasmosis.

So I have a cat, the cats name is Mr. Peter Panda Bear the Cat he is a feral cat and has probably given me Toxoplasmosis.  The Mr. Peter Panda Bear the Cat story starts with him being stuck about 60 feet up in a bulimic tree right outside of my window. Panda was crying like the little bitch, so I say that to give some audio perspective

Mr. Peter Panda Bear the Cat likes to sex up my feetsies and cuddle at night, the fucking my feet he probably derived from me, I like to give him a little tickle on the nuts once and a while and that usually gets him fired up, but not to digress I am going to explain why and what I did to adopt this little fucking bear cat and save him from the tree he was stuck in, and the reason why I think he has given me Toxoplasmosis and could be the first Professional Colombian Jiu-Jitsu Feline Champion of America

So the day starts off with smoking pot as usual, I started to hear a faint cat cry and then it got a bit louder, so I look out my window and what do you know there is a cat stuck in the tree next door and it's kinda wedged in a crux of the tree what I would would call the vagina of the tree branch, and this cat was crying like a little bitch, so I paid it no mind and carried on with my weed smoking and shut the window cause who gives a fuck that a cats in a tee they do that for birds and a panorama vista.

So a few hours went by and the crying was getting more annoying and more annoying and I decided to throw rocks at him...I'm kidding I didn't throw rocks, I threw feathers and cotton balls, I just went to sleep and figured he would be out of the tree in the morning.  The next day comes and I wake up to this cat crying and meowing away and I figured he was probably doing that all night and I realized this little mother fucker was not only a bitch, he was a bitch stuck in a tree vagina who is too stupid to get down.
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Cat Food Deals from Amazon
I had no choice but to leave for work and I felt a little bad so I opened the window and yelled out "Hey you little bitch knock it off and get down from that bulimic vagina crux"

So the work day was over, I work nights, when I got home at 3:30 am I heard a faint meow and as I walked into my backyard the security light popped on and it made the little bitch panda start to meow louder and louder, I looked up into the tree and I looked at this cat who was stuck looking down at me meowing and I started to wonder how dumb was this animal?

So I said "you a lil bitch get your little bitch ass down here and meow like that to my face" and I went upstairs and went to sleep.  So day 3 comes and this cat would not shut up all night, it was meowing like a maniac cat stuck in a tree all night. So I wake up light a joint and make a coffee and all I could hear was "meow meow mmmmeeeeowwwwww" it was getting very annoying, the fact that a cat was stuck in a tree was starting to become a bit sad.  I opened my window and he was about 25-30 feet up from me, I live on the 3rd floor.  So I look up and I see that he has birds tormenting him swooping down on him like little Japanese kamikaze planes trying to take out the enemy, it was like a scene from world war 2.

I started to feel bad because this little kitten of a cat being as much as a bitch as he was, was getting attacked by blue jays and has been stuck in a oak tree for the last 3 days and maybe more, no food no water and one day of rain and the weather was hot, and I know there must of been ants and insects biting him, he was probably getting all cramped up, he was just in a fucked up spot and stuck.

So as I watch these birds dive bomb this kitten I lit a joint, I started to yell out swing kitty swing at those bitch ass birds, swing and swipe, use your claws fuck those birds up, get one and eat it, I know your hungry get those little bitch birds with your claws, rip one out of the air, I wanted to see this cat snatch a bird out of the air like a scene from King Kong, but that didn't happen and the birds gave up,  now this cat was just looking at me and he started to meow like a bitch, I felt bad because I knew he was hungry and probably scared, and by now I know that his parents can't help him, they were stray savage cats and were most likely scrounging dumpsters in the neighborhood somewhere or making cat sex in a dark ally or something.

Kitty Elevator

Kitty Elevator
Kitty Elevator
I started to think of elaborate ways to get this cat out of the tree, I wanted to climb up and get him but I was not a monkey and it most likely would have ended with me falling and breaking most my body, then I thought maybe I could get a bucket and rope and throw it up in the tree and make like a little kitty elevator for him to climb into and get lowered down. That didn't go so well because he was dumb enough to get stuck in the tree which meant he was not smart enough to climb into a bucket and get lowered down. The problem was getting to be that he hasn't had food or water in days, I was waiting for him to just fall out of the tree from exhaustion.  I had to walk away because there was nothing I could do to get him down, I looked up at him and said "yo you little bitch you need to get out of that tree" he replied with "meow" and I went back inside my house and started to brain storm ideas and search online for animal rescue places.

I started to call every animal association possible the ASPCA, the local veterinarians, fire stations,  PETA, everything I could think of that had anything to do with animals, and they all asked me if "I have ever seen a dead cat in a tree" and I said "no" and they said "he will get hungry and climb down sooner or later" but its been almost a week and he didn't look like he could make it down, the branch that he was stuck on was almost at a 90 degree angle, the way a cats claws are shaped he would have had to back down and he was not smart enough to do that,  so being a little kitten who's parents abandoned him to go have sex in dumpsters, he had no one to help him.

I was in a pickle so was this bitch of a bear cat.  I had a eureka moment, I could call a tree company and maybe they could come climb the tree grab him and bring him down.  I started to call local arborists and I got a hold of  this guy "Peach Tree Paul" who said he would come and get him down for $100, and I agreed to the price.  "Peach Tree Paul" the tree conqueror arrived with a toy mouse on a string and began to throw it up in the tree trying to get this cat to chase the toy mouse down the tree, the cat got frightened and went about another twenty feet up into the tree.

Toxoplasmosis Gives You Courage!

Bear Cat
Panda Bear the Cat
"Peach Tree Paul" said fuck it time to climb, he broke out the harness and ropes and his little pouch to put the cat in, I believe he called it his pussy pouch, he started to climb the tree but the cat got frightened and climbed to the bulimic part of the tree, this dumb bitch of a cat climbed to where the branches were weak and skinny, the part of the tree that threw up instead of bloom, which made the rescue even more heroic, if "Peach Tree Paul" couldn't rely on the branches to hold his weight, he could not hook the ropes up.

"Peach Tree Paul" was not going to sacrifice himself and risk falling, but long story short he climbed up grabbed the cat and stuffed him in the pussy pouch and threw the pouch down, just kidding, he climbed down with the pussy pouch and asked me what I wanted to do with this pouch of pussy cat, either let him go, eat him, or keep him?  I decided to keep the little bitch of a cat and named him the infamous Mr. Peter Panda Bear the Cat.

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Cat Food Deals from Amazon
So now this is where the Toxoplasmosis comes in and where the fun of having a new pet gets scary because about a month after having this stray bear pretending to be a cat.  I started to develop a twitch and a craving for soccer, I started to wonder if my car could reach a 100 miles a hour on the straight away near the play ground for underdeveloped Mexican kids, all of a sudden I discovered I was a incredible soccer player, and I just wanted to play soccer and ride a motorcycles at the same time while blind folded, I started to crave sex with anything, rocks, sandpaper, stereo receivers, weed bongs, I stuck my hand in a bee hive and commenced to slapping white woman with arm tattoos, I started to teach Mr. Peter Panda Bear the Cat some Columbian jiu-jitsu the kind they teach to under privileged children in Bogota and rolled with him on a bed of thumbtacks, I had cravings to swallow rusty razors and wash them down with orange soda, and the most dangerous casual activity I couldn't get enough of was, I wondered about how many attempts it would take to achieve a victory in a wrestling match with a homeless methed up black man. Every Friday morning me and my training partner Mr. Peter Panda Bear the Cat would head down to the 7/11 and do classic wrestling taunts at the loiterers lingering by the dumpster.

The Toxoplasmosis does not impede me from having a great pet panda bear cat and if you can save a animal from any situation that is not ideal for it, then do it! Do what you can and save these furry fuckers from the cages the pounds and animal control police keep them in, these scummy people who claim to love animals and answer telephones for a living, do not give a shit about saving the animals they just like to act sympathetic towards them, and most importantly don't tickle a feral cats nuts unless you want it to commit sexual acts with your toes at night.  

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