|Jimmy Crack Stems|
Jimmy Crack Stems had about $17.21 mostly in dimes and he was headed Uptown to get himself a 20 piece and not of Chicken McNuggets, but of crack rocks. Jimmy Crack Stems had a few main dealers Uptown and usually went shopping around the hood to check the rocks and see which dealer had the best stones. The key attributes Crack Stems looked for in his crack rocks were color, consistency, fragrance, texture, and the most important SIZE, Jimmy was always looking for the fatter rocks and his main man today was a loquacious pimp named "Long Dick Chappy" who's cardinal gig was putting bitches on the track, but dabbled in the sales and exchange of cooked cocaine otherwise known as certified Grade-A crack rock.
Crack Stems loved smoking up hard rocks of cooked up cocaine and this batch was cut up and portioned out by "Long Dick Chappy's" bottom bitch Ms. Sheila Rhinestones Pasquale. Sheila Rhinestones was a DEA agents ex-wife. The DEA agent who's addiction to snorting ketamine and cocaine was banned from being a officer of the law forced his spouse to start hooking the streets which led to a divorce but not before she met her new daddy Long Dick Chappy who insisted she stay business partners with her ex-husband because he had the plug from all the years of law enforcement and locking up king pins and drug lords had connections with a pure cocaine plug in Papa New Guinea. The Papa New Guinea Crime Organization shipped monthly shipments of the purest cocaine New Guinea had to offer directly to their house in Bergen, New Jersey. The operation was huge and was completely under the radar of the Feds because the husband was a ex-DEA agent and had ties in the system that allowed him to bypass any investigations or attempts to disrupt the Papa New Guinea Crime Organization.
The Junkie Revelation
|Long Dick Chappy's Uptown Apartment|
Jimmy Crack Stems hit the 8 on the elevator, the door was almost about to close when a hand slipped in between the doors and a man with a trench coat smelling like crab rangoons with his head down steped into the elevator. The man followed Crack Stems to the 6th floor and the doors closed. They arrived to the 6th floor of Crack Shack Mansion and the man with the trench coat smelling of crab rangoons did not get off but Jimmy didn't give a shit about that because he was getting the crack sweats and he needed a puff, he knocked on Long Dicks door and Sheila Rhinestones opened it up holding a black & yellow double ended bumblebee dildo with a pair of walkman headphones on attached to no walkman, she was pointing the dildo at Jimmy saying where ya been then pretended to shoot him with it like a gun Sheila then waved Stems in the apartment and shut the door locking all the dead bolts and wedging a chair under the door knob. Long Dick limped over wearing a leopard spotted bathrobe no underwear and a giant pubic bush hiding his junk, he mumbled "did they follow you?" Stems said "what?" Long Dick repeated "Mother fucker I said did they follow you?" Jimmy had no idea what he was talking about and said "no, no I don't think so,?" Long Dick said "good how much ya got?" Stems dumped his change on the coffee table making sure not to show his bills and he said "I got $20 lemme get a fatty rock LD lemme get the fattest one you got and lemme cuff 2 small ones till tomorrow!" Long Dick Chappy scooped up the money walked over to the window and began skittishly peaking out of it, he then yelled out for Sheila Rhinestones to go get the razor blade and count this money, followed by you "fruity half tongued bitch!"
Shit starts getting DEEP
Sheila shaved him off a chunk of crack and Jimmy immediately stuffed it into his pipe ignited his lighter and started sucking that pipe like a pregnant stripper at a job interview. That's when Long Dick Chappy started to get paranoid, the second hand crack smoke made Chappy start asking Jimmy questions about the how he got here what subway he took, where he got the money, and how many people seen him come in? Jimmy told him the story of him getting the crack shakes in the subway and how he had to rub one out to get rid of them and when he got here there was some toothless hooker walking out with a wet-spot on her chin, then he remembered the man that smelled like crab rangoons, Jimmy began to tell Chappy that there was some smelly guy with a trench coat and emitting a strong crab rangoon odor, and who said he was going to the 6th floor but never got off the elevator. Long Dick Chappys eyes opened wide and Sheila Rhinestones, who was now the one looking out of the kitchen window dropped her black & yellow bumble bee colored dildo and yelled out "THATS HIM!!!" that's Chun Sun Lee!! Chappy knew exactly who it was in the elevator stinking like crab rangoons and grabbed his .38 from the refrigerator and began to load it with ammo. Chappy explained that Chun Sun Lee smelled like crab rangoons because the Chinese Triads run a Chinese buffet off 46th and Broadway and they are here to wage a war!
The shit gets deeper
|Long Dick Chappy|
Sheila Ran to the laundry room grabbed LD's back up pistol and put it in Crack Stems hand she asked if he knew how to use it and he said "hell yea" then began to put some fresh brillo pad chunks in the barrel, packed a little rock in there and started smoking out of it like a crack pipe "like this,right?" Long Dick came over and slapped the shit out of Jimmy and then back slapped Sheila for letting him do some dumb shit like smoke crack from a pistol. Long Dick started to tell Jimmy why the Chinese Triads are after him and that he had a little incident with the leader of the Chinese triads "Chun Sun Lee" who had rented 3 top notch hoes from Long Dick Chappy's Escort Service for Asians which wound up being a major problem because the top notch hoes that LD recruited for his Escort For Asians service were original Thai lady boy transgenders who LD had shipped over from Thailand. Chun Sun Lee was not from Thailand he was from Beijing where they despise the Lady Boy community in Thailand and especially the original lady boys because they murdered Chun Sun Lee's half brother "Kum Sum Lee" during a International Asian Sex Party which was hosted by Long Dick Chappy in Thailand
"Kum Sum Lee" was the guest of honor not knowing that the hoes were going to be Thai lady boys and when "Kum Sum Lee" found out he was doing doggy-style with a original Thai lady boy he started to scream vulgar expletives at chang samkan the sacred elephant of Thailand. The Thai did not appreciate this and with no hesitation they hit "Kum Sum Lee" with a machete across the head, killing him instantly. Jimmy Crack Stems was in awe, he started to get the smoke shakes and realized he was in a little to deep and that "Chun Sun Lee" and the Chinese Triads are out to revenge the death of "Kum Sum Lee" and Stems knows that they leave no witnesses.
Jimmy Crack Stems was way to high on crack smoke to worry about some Chinese Triad bullshit, he was absolutely focused on how he was going to get his next crack fix, he started asking Sheila Rhinestones if Long Dick Chappy was going to front him those rocks till tomorrow? Sheila was sharpening a knife and told him to ask LD, but Chappy was busy peaking through the blinds and preparing to slap a hoe, LD was yelling out "I GOT THAT LD BITCH!! COME GET THIS LD YOU CHINK BASTARTDS!!"
Jimmy Crack Stems had a crack idea and walked up to Long Dick and said that he wanted to set a booby trap for the Triads he knew that the Latino Lovers, a gang of dick slinging drug dealing Latin thugs with bulky dicks, who's colors were black and yellow and they had a trap house about 2 blocks up, would make the perfect set up. Stems knew a bit of old Chinese calligraphy so his idea was to write "Kum Sum Lee likes lady dicks" in ancient Chinese calligraphy on the black & yellow dildo Sheila was waving around, then throw it into the buffet that the Triads ran off 46th and Broadway, but first call Greasy Gustavo Gallvidez for the 5 rocks for $100 deal they push, and ask him to meet him at the Triads restaurant. The Triads would think that the Latin Lovers were there to sling dick and start problems, and the black and yellow bumblebee dildo that has "Kum Sum Lee likes lady dicks" would be a sign of disrespect from them and they would have a gang war, leaving Long Dick Chappy and his pimp game alone for now. The problem was Jimmy was high as hell on crack and had no way to get to the restaurant with the dildo so LD gave him his keys to the Big Dick Caddy and told him to take it and go make it happen, make the war between the Chinese Triads and the Latin Lovers happen and he would give him a free 40 piece of the yellowest crack rock he has ever seen.
To be continued.......
|Get That LD Merch!!|