OpenVisionZ Blog #13 - The Story of the 13 Year Old Assassin
|Classic Wrestling Matches|
Roarin Farts was walking home from his favorite restaurant, Chinks Lee All You Can Eat Chinese Buffet in Brooklyn, New York, he loved the cheesy stuffed Chinese burrito pockets and all you can smother hummus dip they had and always ranted about how clean and well kept their restrooms were. Roarin Farts decided to grab a 30 racker of his preferred drink of choice, True Ice Beer, at One Eyes Beer & Spirits before heading home. Farts stepped into his apartment, plopped himself on the couch, popped in old VHS tapes of his most classic wrestling matches, and pushed out a giant fart while cracking a beer. When he got to the Cage and Rage Mania Match held at The Omaha Meat Grinder, he was elbow dropping couch cushions, as the matches went on, the more Roarin Farts would drink and reminisce of how he could finish a bum wrestlers career at anytime performing high flying dare devil signature moves like the Flying 360 Brown Eye Buttock Drop and the Flying Mouth Shart. Farts put in the last VHS tape of his classic wrestling match box set, The Cage and Rage Matches from Hell Vol 5, the legendary match between Thick "Tuna Can Dick" Turner and him started playing, Roarin Farts began slurring out old wrestling taunts at his TV with frustration, he screamed out "Sharts in Yo Mouth Bitch" while throwing a sloppy arm bar and all of a sudden as if Thick "Tuna Can Dick" Turner was sprawled out on his living room floor, Farts climbed his coffee table and full of remiss leaped off attempting to pull off a high Flying 360 Brown Eye Buttock Drop, failing horribly and hitting his head on the end table knocking him out until the next day.
|Roarin Farts Apartment|
services for paying with stolen credit cards.
Roarin Farts started to fart out of shear nervousness he had to put 2 and 2 together, he thought that maybe this kid was one of his illegitimates conceived during his illustrious pro amateur wrestling career, so he tried to look for recognizable facial features, he propped the dead ninja kid up and turned his face to the light to get a better look, then noticed that this kid was covered in scars and had cross-hairs tattooed on his neck and a tear drop tattoo under his eye. Roarin Farts had a bad feeling about the situation, last nights hangover started to wear off as did the half limp stiffy, he started to wonder what kind of kid runs around a neighborhood with neck tattoos, and Chinese ninja sai's then it became clear that the kid laying on his floor was not one of his illegitimate children, nor a neighborhood hoodlum. Farts came to the conclusion that "operation gas mask" was a sepc ops assassination contract put out by the Chinese Triads to eliminate the gas.
Farts ran to the phone and started to dial his old wrestling manager, Mr. Bob Bickles whom he thought could give him some answers, he got a busy signal followed by "sorry this number is disconnected repeated by please try your call again.
|The Loquacious Pimp|
The Tale Of The 13 Year Old Assassin
|Triads Grand Master Leader - Ghou Han Zhen|
The Triads Grand Master Leader, Ghou Han Zhen, received the news of his sons capture and had a plan to buy back his son from the Filipino Child Labor Group, he agreed to a large amount of gold to be delivered to the Spratly Islands off the south coast of China in exchange for his son, The Spratly Islands were secretly occupied by the Japanese Yakuza, they were using the islands as a pirate recruitment base, but the Triads had known that Yakuza Pirates were occupying these islands because of a trade deals involving opium for hummus with Pakistani witch doctors, the witch doctors gave reports of flat faced pirates being seen in and around the south coast to the Triads who kept close tabs on the Yakuza pirates, as a way to keep friends close but enemies closer tactic. So the Triads Grand Master Leader, Ghou Han Zhen, proposed a deal with the Pakastani witch doctors to make a voodoo potion weapon, but in exchange for the potion the witch doctors wanted perform voodoo, a spell would be performed on all of the Triads 13 year old children, they would be immortalized. Grand Master Leader, Ghou Han Zhen agreed to the deal with the Pakastani Witch Doctors for 2 reasons, it would aide of the rescue of his son and make trade safe on the south coast again, eliminating the threat of Yakuza Pirates. The Pakistani Witch Doctors made a poisonous gas tincture of hummus and curry that the Triads would hide in the chest of gold, Grand Master Leader Ghou knew that Yakuza Pirates would attempt hijack the shipment, and when the Yakuza Pirates opened the chest, it would trigger the release of the poisonous gas which will knock out the pirates, allowing the Triads to capture them, then the Triads would be able to slaughter the Filipinos because they would not have the Yakuza Pirates as back up. The plan worked, the Triads were able to defeat the Yakuza Pirates all while regaining control of the Spartly Islands and rescuing the Baby Triad Emperor, "Qou Han Zhen", from the Filipino Child Labor Group who the Triads captured and sold into slavery in Indonesia.
After the rescue, Triads Grand Master Leader, Ghou Han Zhen, allowed the Pakistani voodoo witch doctors to cast a voodoo curse spell on 13 children of the Grand Masters choice. The voodoo spell meant to immortalize the 13 children gave Ghou Han Zhen a advantageous opportunity for the Triads Organization. Ghou Han Zhen chose to make a crew of immortal child warrior ninja assassins, training the immortalized children in the art of war, and building the temple of the 13 Year Old Ninja on the Spartly Islands. The children were trained in all aspects of hand to hand combat and combat weaponry, it resulted in a army of 13 year old Ninjas that were eventually sent to eliminate the worlds Child Labor Organizations. Legend has it that the immortalized children of the Triads still occupy the Spartly Islands, and that the Triads have used them to their advantage to grow the organization to be the most notorious gang the world has ever seen.
Now that Long Dick explained the story of the 13 year old assassin, Roarin Farts started to remember that back in his preeminent wrestling career, Mr. Bob Bickles scheduled a lot of mid tier amateur wrestling matches in japan, Mr. Bickles would talk about some deal he had with this Chinese company to sponsor wrestling matches, and that they imported hummus and owned a bunch of child day care services in and around China. One day after Roarin Farts winning one of the wrestling matches, Mr. Bickles seemed very distraught and warned Roarin Farts never to eat hummus in a Asian restaurant after dark, but Farts didn't pay no mind to the statement by Mr. Bickles about eating hummus after dark and thought he was just getting old.
Long Dick looked over at Farts and said, "yo, we got a problem, The triads know where we are and we have to get out of here now big daddy smelly legs", he showed Farts the bowl of hummus and the severed hand, Farts blew a fearful fart and said, "I know those fingers man, thats Mr. Bickles hand!! What the fuck they killed Mr. Bickles Long Dick, they killed Mr. Bob fucking Bickles!! What are we gonna do?" Dick Chappy reached for his secret throw away emergency phone and called his bottom bitch, "Olivia Le'Avenem Limp", aka "The Lil Babushka", LD explained the problem and told her to reach out to the Russians for some back up, then to meet him in Brooklyn, at the hand job spot under the subway tracks. The Lil Babushka was a Ex-Professional Russian Bear Jockey who was not intimidated by anyone, especially the little dicked Chinese Triads. She decided that she would not reach out to the Russians, and handle this business with her bare hands. She hopped in a taxi and headed towards Brooklyn.
|Bet On UFC|
Farts went first, but as he bent over to climb out of the window, he blew a toxic monster fart that hit Long Dick directly in the face, Long Dick was immediately aswoon by the fumes. Long Dick began coughing and throwing up, he shoved Farts out of the window causing him to slip and fall down the fire escape right into the dumpster below. Long Dick knew that if he had inhaled anymore of the toxic gas he would have passed out, he instinctively dove out of the window behind Roarin Farts landing on top of him in the dumpster, but as Long Dick jumped out he seen in the distance his main bottom bitch, his top notch hoe, his all star of the track, "Olivia Le'Avenem Limp" also known as "The Lil' Babuska" hiding behind a mail box across the street. Long Dick and Roarin Farts both look up from the dumpster and see 3 little ninjas looking down from the window at them pointing to a SUV that was pulling up, then all of a sudden 6 13 year old ninjas surrounded the dumpster out numbering them. Long Dick threw his hands up surrendering, then Roarin Farts did the same asking "Dick, what the plan is?" Long Dick replied "Don't worry, I got that LD, just follow my lead." They hop out of the dumpster and the little ninjas hog tied them. A old Chinese man stepped out from the black SUV he walked up to Chappy and Farts, made a face of disgust, then slapped Roarin Farts right in the face and spit at Long Dick Chappy while making hand gestures that looked like the international jack off signal. Long Dick knew that the little old Chinese man was the Leader of the Triads and the owner of Chinks Lee All You Can Eat Chinese Buffet, if Olivia Le'Avenem Limp didn't act fast, the little old Chinese man would not hesitate in the execution of him and farts and sell the body meat to the Chinks Lee All You Can Eat Chinese Buffet out in Long Island.
|The Lil Babushka|
Pointing the shotgun to the head of Roarin Farts, the Little Old Chinese man said, "You know why I shanghai you friend Mr. Bob Bickles?" Farts shook his head no and with every head turn a little fart passed through his tightly clenched butt cheeks, sounding like bubble wrap popping, the Lil Old Chinese man laughed and said, "I tell you!! Son bitch, Yeah I tell you, You manager Mr. Bob Bickles, I tie him up, he in my restaurant righ now, he tie up in basement hahaha, with one hand hahaha," The little Chinese man started to become erratic and started shouting at Farts, "he shame me, he bootleg movie of XXX Peep Show when he visit China, he have no permission from us to record movie, and he make big big money, now I shame him back hahah, I cut off his matterbation hand hahaha, he now have to do some one hand tug now when watch XXX Peep Show hahaha", Roarin Farts said, "So Mr. Bob Bickles was bootlegging XXX Peep Shows in China and was selling them? I had nothing to do with Mr. Bickles and his perversion habits" The Old Chinese Man apoplectic with anger said, " No, you I assassinate because you come to my restaurant everyday, eat all hummus dip and leave big shits in toilet and no flush, no tip, you no manors, very disrespectful, clogged my toilet three days!! You no apologize and leave note saying sushi farts leave sushi shits?? I no know what you think I am, no funny very disrespectful!!" Farts looks up and before he could say anything Mr. Bob Bickles walked up with a samurai sword and swung it full force with his left hand lopping the head of the little old Chinese man clean off, it dropped to the ground and rolled over to the feet of Long Dick Chappy who was in awe at what just happened and said, "Damn Baby, Now ain't that a mother fucker!" Farts could see pee stains and a giant shit smear on his shirt and pants, then looked up at Mr. Bob Bickles and said, "The china man said you were tied up in the basement of Chinks Lee All You Can Eat Chinese Buffet restaurant, how did you escape" and Bob said, "The toilet overflowed flooding the basement in shit water, the water was oily enough for me to slip free and I grabbed the sword hanging on the wall and just started swinging at these little kids dressed up as ninjas". Olivia Le'Avenem Limps phone started ringing, she started yelling in Russian and then asked Long Dick Chappy for $50 because the thots on the strip were out of hand lotion and 2 for 1 tug job Tuesday was coming, Long Dick asked Roarin Farts for a fifty spot and told Mr. Bob Bickles to get his camera they got a movie to make!
Cryptocurrency Sites and Exchanges
Long Dick Chappy would appreciate you if you Donate with Crypto